<%@ Language=VBScript %> <%response.buffer = TRUE%> Fiction: A Recent Anxiety Dream
Banner
Header
Politik Culturati Song Artful Imprint Sport Interact
Fiction: A Recent Anxiety Dream

I had a dream last night and in it I had to tell you something but I
couldn't because I had to go on a mission. I Aqualad, and the teen
Titans were going on a mission and I had to go too. I hadn't been
around all that much lately, but this time they really needed me and
it seemed important so I was going.

Fiction by Max Burbank
Illustrations by Noel Tuazon

June.23rd.2003

I had a dream last night and in it I had to tell you something but I
couldn't because I had to go on a mission.



I was me, but I was also Aqualad, and the teen Titans were going on a
mission and I had to go too. But the thing was, I hadn't been around
all that much lately. I'd kind of been bagging on the missions a lot
because of family and stuff, but this time they really needed me and it
seemed important so I was going and whatever it was I had to tell you
had to wait.

But the costume in my locker at
HQ is old. It shrunk or I grew or
something, I don't know, maybe I put on weight. It was difficult to
get the bathing trunks part of it
past my thighs.

Kid Flash keeps going: "What the
hell is wrong with you? We have to go, do you understand, GO. What
don't you understand about GO?"

And I'm all: "You guys go ahead,
I'll catch up."

I'm alone in the locker room, and
this costume just does not fit. And I don't have another one with me.
It's too tight and it makes just kind of grabs my area and displays it, there is no way I can go fight crime in this outfit.

So I'm sitting there on this bench and I'm totally uncomfortable because the trunks are very binding. They're creeping up my ass at this point and I realize:



A.) I don't remember what you
and I needed to talk about
anymore,

B.) My street clothes are no longer here.

I think Robin the Boy Wonder
clipped them because he's all
stuck up and a total bastard.

I think about taking a swim. They
have a sea water pool for me at
the HQ, you know ... because I'm
Aqualad, I have to go in the water regularly or I dry out.

I start feeling all guilty that they maintain this pool which has to be expensive and I'm around so infrequently the costume I keep here barely goes over my huge thighs. I'm filled with revulsion for my thighs and I think about how Kid Flash is always calling me a woman; and how maybe he's right.



All I know is I've forgotten the
important thing I had to talk to my wife
about, I can't go on the mission
because my costume doesn't fit and I
have huge, hairy, white thighs and each
hair has a little dimpled hump of flesh
at it's base and each dimple seems just
slightly inflamed.

And then I woke up and it was still dark
out. I wanted to wake you up and tell
you about the dream, which wasn't
funny while I was dreaming it but
seemed kind of funny now.

But then I remembered when I told you
the Lucy Lawless dream and you wanted
to know if I had any shame -- which is what they asked Senator McCarthy right before his whole deal went south -- so I just kind of lay there in the dark.








The sheets were damp. I thought I could smell the sea through the
bedside window.

I wondered if I could fall back to sleep before the alarm went off. I
wondered if it was worth it.




About Us Feedback Contribute Advertise How to use FM Mailing List
Politik
Current Events
Activism
Cartoons
Columns
Wave Makers
Culturati
Travel
Road to Kitsch
Gaming
Movies l Television
Culture Columns
Lifestyles
Song
Song Interviews
Song Reviews
Audio l Video
Song News
Song Columns
Artful
Artists
Comics
Film
Design
Artful Columns
Imprint
Zines
Books
Fanfiction
Fiction
Imprint Columns
Sport
Sport Interviews
Sport Articles
Sport Columns
Interact
Interact Letters
Interact Poll
Advice
Site Reviews